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I was small. And I was no-one. The little truth of me that survived my first years of life was soon clenched together in a narrow corset, and it seemed like I could breath no more. For years, I didn’t feel myself. All grey.
When I was young, I once turned on the radio and a strange, new, wild form of music emerged. I was awestruck. This music was so different than the average pop sounds that usually come from the radio. It sounded so… alive.
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Alive… a distant echo that I hadn’t heared for years rose from numbness. As the first few notes of this strangely foreign and yet familiar music emerged it was like a burried part of me jumped from a comatose sleep. Suddenly, it had it’s eyes open, fully awake and aware. I felt a strange, bubbly feeling coming from my heart, making it’s way through my body, until every dead inch of it was filled with a sense of magic and the pleasantly weird urge to spin around in circles across the floor.
Something jumped into place with a loud crack, like a broken bone got repaired in a single moment. That was it. The broken connection to my SELF had been mended. Blood was pressing through my body at an accelerated speed, my breathing got deeper. The crack was wide open, and after the greyish power of numbness had taken it’s first defeat ever, a stream of song and dance found it’s way into my life.
Irish Folk with it’s lively violines and laughing flutes was the vibe that unlocked the realm beyond my numbness and handed me the key to finally enter my SELF. And I was ten. I was ten and Irish Folk became the threat to which I held on as if my existence depended on it. And it did. I was so used to there being nothing. But entering the first room beyond the naked surface, I found it filled with colours and faerys and alignment. That day was when I first discovered joy.
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Time went by, and I went deeper. A door marked with the words pagan and celtic spread an ancient and enticing music. I advanced in it’s direction and got pulled in as if it was gravity. I let it swallow me completely and carve deeper wells into my being. While floating through ancient times and wooden secrets, deep mysticism and wilderness overwhelmed me. My body filled with the light of insight and intuition. I started to dance to old tunes speaking from the power of earth connection. Divinity asked for recognition and forgotten, sacred womanhood rose from the depths. Then, my inside remembered it’s greatness and took a deep breath to widen it’s lungs. The corset crumbled to nothing, the light stormed out.
And suddenly, my organs grew wider, and wider, and wider, my limbs transformed, flesh became plant and my torso streched a thousand times.
Now I am a thousand miles of green and secret. Mist hangs above my treetops, and a flow of roaring river makes it’s way through my center. I am filled with the rich colours of an ancient forest. No, I am the forest. I am not breathing anymore, I am the air. I am not dancing anymore, I am the dance.
The inside of me is both persona and infinity, both human and divine.
The inside of me is wood and love.
My craving desire for life has been fullfilled.
I finally am.
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