↟☾↟
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness
That most frightens us.
We ask ourselves
Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
doubts and desires
There is this vague question that is haunting me in secret, and it sometimes makes it hard to do what I really want to do, for example talking about my own, subjective experiences with life and the universe. Who do you think you are? Why do you think what you have to say is of any importance?
I don’t think I’m more important than anyone else. I’m still learning a lot. But that does not mean that what I think or have to say is useless. In fact, this simple, natural dynamic makes it worth sharing. We are all teachers and students at the same time, and while I’m still learning some things, I may have achieved wisdom in other aspects, and from these aspects, others can learn again. A little bit like a cycle.
There is nothing shameful in showing yourself to the world, and there is no need for perfection. A lesson I am also trying to learn. I’m sometimes afraid that people may see me as attention hungry or superficial for showing my face, for example. But in the end, everybody is entitled to have their own opinion, and we all judge from our own perceptions. Some may be closer to the truth, others may be further away.
It’s true that many people only show themselves to gain something, but I also want to give. It’s nice to get compliments and follows and likes, I’m not going to deny it. But this kind of attention is a false friend that lures you in under the claim that you will feel loved and accepted. What I want to do is quite different, even though I’m clearly not free from flaws and doubts. And that’s the dynamic I talked about- I can share the wisdom I have and still struggle with other aspects. It’s a very human thing.
the idea
With everything that I put online, whether it may be a foto, a new chapter on faerysoul or a painting, I am trying to use what I have to pour love and purity from my heart into my art. I want to embody my soul so well that it reminds everyone else of their own . I want to give access to a vibration of beauty and joy. I want to spread inspiration and give little hints for a different way to view the world. One that is a little less materialistic and a little bit more grounded in spirituality.
With that said, I know it’s nothing special. Everything I do has been done more professionally or more profoundly by others. There are loads of better writers, models, photographers, poets or painters. Not to mention my english skills. It’s all pretty average to me. But even though it’s average, I want to try my best at it. Everybody is at the place they’re at now, but they must have gotten their somehow, and the only way to get anywhere is to start walking.
All too often we (myself included) belittle ourselves and refuse to see our own light and what we are capable of. And then we go to images of stars or artists and we pour the attention and love that we should be giving ourselves onto these people and over-idealize them. And we make them less human in the process, expecting them to embody solely and only this aspect that we would like to have ourselves. And when the admired person makes mistakes, shows a flaw or does behave differently than what our ideal wants them too, we suddenly judge them.
you are who you admire
The general challenge is that we see the manifested beauty of someone else and think, well, they were born with that, and I wasn’t. But it’s untrue. They just already created and expressed something that still waits to be manifested by you.
We do not realize that what we see in the other is also a part of us, or else, we wouldn’t be drawn to it. If we desire it with all our hearts, we already have it. It may be a part of us that we need to dig up from under a huge rug of mess, of false beliefs like I’m not good enough or I can’t do this, but it’s already there. What we desire is always our own potential, even if we do not realize it.
I have seen people belittling themselves before me as if I was some kind of extremely gifted, otherworldly being while they believed they were not.
But we all are extremely gifted, otherworldly beings and we all are capable of the most astounding things as long as we choose to never give up. But the only one who is able to activate that knowledge inside of you is… you.
outer and inner alignment
I know what it feels like to be so cut off from your soul in a way that you cannot believe it’s you when you look into the mirror. I know the feeling of being a foreigner in your own body all too well, feeling trapped inside of that face, that flesh. And it is true, if you feel like that, your outer circumstances do not match your true desires. But then you should know that you can find alignment with your hearts wishes, and that your determination and your willingness to apply changes is the only thing that counts, regardless of current circumstances.
Every time we feel envy or jealousy towards something or someone, what we truly want is to not be the other, but to truly embody ourselves. The jealousy is a sign of your hearts most inherent desire which is currently blocked by a negative belief system. But if you have that longing, you are meant to have it come true. You just need to remove the blockages and start to take healthy and balanced actions to manifest your vision.
Everybody who takes part in this little journey of mine is very welcome, and I love it if we can share our mutual appreciation for each other. But dare not to overly idealize me- it hurts both me and you. But especially you. You are making yourself way smaller than you are. And you deserve better.
I started to share myself because I thought I deserved better than what I was giving myself credit for. I thought that I deserved better than to hide myself. In the end, it’s true- We always ask ourselves “Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?“
But the answer is always:
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small
Does not serve the world.
There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking
So that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine,
As children do.
We were born to make manifest
The glory of God that is within us.
It’s not just in some of us;
It’s in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we’re liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.
(Marianne Willamson)
Why do you think what you have to say is of any importance?
It’s a question I am asking myself so much. And especially a question that I am afraid others will ask. Who do you even think you are. This is ridiculous. Fearing that I might not be good enough for what I really want to do.
Every time I talk about “my journey” in various different forms it’s not because I simply want to show off my achievements or anything. The motivation comes from the direct experience of having been clenched together in such a narrow corset of self hate. The experience was so radical that I always feel like I want to show others that you can overcome.
I want to remind, to lift up, to inspire, and to make you feel so itchy about yourself that you finally go that extra mile to create what you’re missing. Just like me.
And just like everyone else, I’m not better, I’m not finished. I am also only a wanderer, a learner, and while I embody some aspects of my soul, I still work with the blockages, the limiting beliefs, because most of the time, they make me feel like a clumsy potato.
Well, it’s okay. Growing does not happen gradually, but in cycles.
We need healthy human beings who celebrate their connection to their souls and are not too ashamed to reveal themselves. Feel free to see this as an invitation- or basically, view everything which I put out as an invitation – to come into alignment and find your own unique embodiment of who you really are. Let’s work on this together.
↟☾↟
(C) foto: Jasmin Wolkenstadt